Zu-La

2003-04-07T12:55:00.000+03:00

Don't Do It!

2003-03-21T11:49:00.000+02:00

PORN FOR CHICKS

WE LIKE IT GAY
If you are ready to take it to the next level, homo-erotic love between two men is the way to go. The visual stimulation of dudes getting it on for their own benefit is a hundred times better than watching pony tail guy in straight porn grunt out an orgasm. We like to think of this as a humanitarian gesture, like Feed the World or Live Aid, but different. That's right: two guys fucking. Preferably sweaty and shaved.

Gay porn on the whole seems a little more advanced. Good, hard, nasty lesbian amateur is great to get you out of a self-conscious funk. Watching a skinny woman scream and squirt as a hot chubby girl whips leather across her back and twists both fists up her vagina in Bathroom Sluts (SIR, 1999) can make you drop your diet, chuck your compact and wish you had it so good.

WE LIKE IT LOUD
Eyes of Desire (Femme Productions, 1998) is directed and produced by ex-porn star Candida Royalle and it's near perfect. It's less instructional but more educational and the orgasms are off the hook. If you ever thought that female orgasms are silent, polite or dainty, Royalle proves you wrong. The porn stars in this movie cum like it's the apocalypse and it's so real you have to turn down the volume. We recommend watching the film next to a mirror and imitating Chloe's orgasm faces, then trying them out in bed once you're on the right track.

"I have been making porn for women and couples for sixteen years and women can't seem to get enough of it," says Royalle, one of the few female porn directors in the field. "Women are demanding more context in their porn," she explains. "DPs and cum shots are no longer enough."

WE LIKE IT WEIRD
"Animal Farm was the first porno I ever saw and I kind of wrote them off after that," says a New York viewing-session member we'll call Michelle. "My friend busted it out when I was eleven. It was her dad's. There was sucking off monkeys, little monkey feet wrapped around the head. Four Ecuadorians holding a donkey against the wall for better access. We were like, 'Oh my god! Holy shit! Can you believe it?' For years I kept seeing that goat's head and hearing it bleat. Every time I looked at her father I couldn't get that sound out of my head. Needless to say I didn't stay over much after that. I wish I could get my hands on that tape today though."

Our research and discussions are making it quite clear that women do not get off watching animals get fucked. The novelty makes us laugh, though. Weird pornos help alleviate the boredom and they give you great ideas. We would never have thought of the genius of smoking a cigarette out of our pussies, for example, until we saw Emmanuelle (Just Jaeckin, 1974). We also discovered that painting our bodies blue, shaving our heads and filming interpretive dances to Enya could be really hot, thanks to the film Messy Girls (Flash Films, 1995).

WE LIKE IT RETRO
The kitsch of 70s porn is proof that porn had its heyday during the era of disco, cocaine and letting your bush grow out. Deep Throat (Arrow, 1972) and The Opening of Misty Beethoven (VCA, 1976) are classics that are becoming masturbation staples for women in need of that totally fluffy, bushy and doe-eyed look from the good ol' days.

Only recently have directors started understanding that women don't want to see mustachioed mullet-laden guys with mesh tank-tops banging it out on the hood of a two-toned Camaro. We want to see ourselves on-screen in the center of the action wearing Manolo Blahniks and silk stockings while getting fucked up the ass. Unfortunately, stylized porn made especially for women is far and few between.

Films like IKU and Rape Me aren't bad, but they aren't really hardcore. As we see it, there just isn't enough porn out there to satisfy a raunchy girl's heart. We need some really creative, hot, intelligent porn featuring women like us in fashionable duds, with luscious guys, an imaginative soundtrack and massive female orgasms.

Is anyone listening?

Porn for chicks is the next big thing and if we don't see some of it soon, we're going to have to make it ourselves.

Joanna Zychowicz

2003-03-17T13:14:00.000+02:00

Make Your Own Dildo!

1 MAKE YOUR OWN DILDO
“Hey you, go fuck yourself,” OK I will, “What?” Oh, I made a latex dildo that is an exact replica of my dick so fucking myself is no probs. Come to think of it, double stuffing my girlfriend and then fucking her while I get a blowjob is also no probs. Oh yeah, and when I’m away; having phone sex with her while she fucks herself with my dick is also no probs. Neither is giving it to ex-girlfriends so they never get over me. That too is no probs. See ya.
Check www.makeyourowndildo.com or call 1 (800) 515-7121

2 iTunes and iPod
Making mix tapes was a great time and everything but when you put on 3LW as a joke it starts getting on your nerves and you have to re-record the whole thing to get rid of it. Making playlists in iTunes however is so fucking fun it’s actually better than listening to music. Like the guy in High Fidelity that likes to re-order his records all the time, you get to put your stuff into categories like, “classic punk, 80s shit, dirty south” and then assemble and re-assemble great mixes. The best is when you have a problem like, “Shit, how am I going to go from my oi set into Gold Chains?” and then you remember, “Oh I’ll just segue it with one of those cockney spoken word things from Garry Johnson.” And if you don’t have it you can go steal it online. It’s fucking limitless.

3 SPAMFIRE
The amount of junk mail in your inbox has more than tripled over the past year and it’s growing exponentially. Depressing no? “No” actually, because no matter how invasive and annoying corporate advertisers get, The People will always be one step ahead (See The VICE Guide to Happiness on p.88). Designed by email genius Michael Herrick, Spamfire is a magical piece of user-friendly software that filters out spam by checking for things like dollar signs, the word diet and website addresses. Before it deletes them, it puts them in a box for you to peruse but once the program gets familiar with your friend list you don’t even have to check the spam box anymore. The best part is the window called “Revenge” wherein you get to “bug the WebBugs” by clogging their website with messages like “You piss me off.”

Check www.matterform.com for the latest version. It’s only for Mac now but the Windows version is almost ready.

4 DISH
The only thing worse than sitting on hold at Time Warner Cable is that horrible recording of a woman’s voice saying, “we’re committed to being the best.” Satellite TV is way cheaper and way more fun. You love it when you get it but after the first month you realize all the rad things you weren’t using like the no-talking radio channels with infinite classical or classic rock (and it says what the songs are) or the info button that tells you about the movie you’re watching or the fucking hard drive it has where you can record your favorite shows the same way Tivo does.

5 MEDICATED GOLD BOND
Unbeknownst to broads, men have some very serious swimsuit area problems of their own. Anal chaffing (caused by moisture and hair wearing down the crack skin until it is as raw as vivisection) is something men only admit to in closed spaces. They fashion toilet paper into “manpons” and wedge it into their crack in a desperate attempt to dry shit out down there. Well fret no more chappies. All you have to do is: 1 wipe your ass with Wet Wipes, 2 dry it thoroughly with toilet paper, 3 lambaste it with Extra Strength Gold Bond, and BOOM you are done. Go wear plastic leather pants to New Mexico and take a four-hour hike in the desert. See? Cured.

6 RIM
We’ve always been pro-ass eating (women don’t shit) but what’s a bad boy gonna do when she’s not there for you? Cheat? Oooh gross, stranger ass. No you’re not going to cheat, you’re going to go buy a nice bottle of ass-flavored water and reminisce. I can’t believe I spelt reminisce right the first try.

7 BOX SETS
After you have about 300 CDs or so they kind of blend into a big blob of music. It seems the more you have the less you have to listen to. And if some poor bastard doesn’t have some exciting text going down the spine you may not notice the fucker for years at a time. That’s why we love box sets so much. We’ve barely listened to the Misfits coffin box set, true, and even in the liner notes for the new New Order box set the band admits they never listen to them either but, and New Order second this emotion, they are so Christmas present cozy nice that you just have to have them. Plus they look great on top of your stereo cabinet.

8 PEANUTS DANCING
Remember that scene where they’re all dancing to that amazing piano riff? How great is that? Everyone is on the dancefloor and everyone is giving 110% (Andrew WK would be proud). You could show that cartoon to someone having a bad trip on acid and they’d dry their tears with their sleeve going, “that’s kind of cool” the way little kids do when you convince them to stop crying by being funny (“don’t tell Mom, don’t tell Mom, hey hey look at me, farty farty poo poo”).

9 Night Glasses
Talk about perpetual optimism. Blue has never been so bluey. The only problem with night glasses (so named because they take the glare out of headlights) is you never want to take them off. The yellow lenses make the whole world look like a beautiful happy place, like E for your eyeballs.

2003-03-14T12:48:00.000+02:00

[ Take The Pledge and Sign On Adbusters.Org ]

JOIN CREATIVE RESISTANCE!

George Bush says democratic protest is irrelevant, and Tony Blair says the anti-war majority is flat-out wrong. We need new ways to fight for peace, and activists are answering the call–with a virtual march on Washington and much, much more. Welcome to the world of "war jamming."

[ Create Your Own Print Ad]

2003-02-24T14:37:00.000+02:00

Excuse me
But I just have to
Explode
Explode this body
Off me

I'll be brand new
Brand new tomorrow
A little bit tired
But brand new

2003-02-21T18:36:00.000+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.006+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.005+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.004+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.003+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.002+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.001+02:00

2003-02-21T18:34:00.000+02:00

2003-02-21T13:33:00.000+02:00

Kim Hükmediyor: Cep
Telefonunuz mu? Siz mi?

Restoranda Cep telefonunuz yemek yerken kullanacaðýnýz
diðer gereçlerle ( Tabak,çatal,Býçak...vs.) birlikte masanýn üzerinde
duruyor.

Digweed Plaklarýndan birini ‘Ring
Tone’ olarak kullanýyorsunuz ve telefonunuz hewr çaldýðýnda gururla
Melodinin sonu gelene kadar telefonu açmýyorsunuz.

Evet
Hayýr

Hiç Baþkasýnýn telefonu ile sizinkinden daha büyük
ve/veya daha aðýr olduðu için alay ettiniz mi?

Evet
Hayýr

Telefonunuzu ‘Hands-free’ setinizi taþýyabilmeniz için
özel olarak tasarlanmýþ ceketinizin özel olarak tasarlanmýþ üstü
kapatýlabilen cebinde taþýyorsunuz.

Evet
Hayýr

Þaþkýnlýðýnýza geldi ve
telefonunuzu evde unuttunuz ve geceyi diðer insanlarýn telefonuna gýpta
ederek baktýnýz.

Evet
Hayýr

Tüm telefon numaralarýnýzý telefonunuzu kaybettiðiniz
için kaybettiðiniz çünkü hiçbirini yazmamýþtýnýz. You Twat!

Evet
Hayýr

Size söylenen telefon numaralarýnýn ilk 3 hanesinden
sonrasýný hatýrlamakta zorlanýyorsunuz.

Evet
Hayýr

Arayan kiþiden kurtulmak için hiç ‘Þarjým’ bitiyor
yalaný söylediniz mi?

Evet
Hayýr

Hiç Baþtan Sona bir Turkcell Reklamýný seyrettiniz mi?

Evet
Hayýr

Hiç bedava SMS göndermek için o abuk sitelerden birine
girdiniz mi?

Evet
Hayýr

Telefonunuz sabaha kadar açýk duruyor...... Bilirsiniz,
her ihtimale karþý.

Evet
Hayýr

Pislik kokan Telecom þirketleri Zarar ettiklerinde
zevkten 4 köþe oluyorsunuz.

Evet
Hayýr

Hiç cep telefonunuzu bulmak için kendinizi normal
hattan yada baþkasýnýn telefonundan aradýnýz mý?

Evet
Hayýr

Her zaman çantanýzda?

Evet
Hayýr

“Nefret ediyorum bu telefondan ama onsuz da olmuyor.”

Evet
Hayýr

asp yok. kod yazmaya üþendi arkadaþlar. Kaç tane evet cevabýnýz var
sayýn sonra sonuçlar için ilerleyin.

ilerle

2003-02-20T11:18:00.000+02:00

I'm A VideoGameManiac.

a little note before you start :-) ; since I'm the biggest lazy ass of modern ages you'll have to copy th URL from the article and paste it to your browser's address bar. Opps!)

Genes didn’t fucking get us here. Shit, monkeys have genes. It’s memes: the ability to tell the next generation what just happened—that’s what put us on the map. If a monkey wasn’t there, it didn’t happen; if we weren’t there, someone sends us an email about it and it becomes a memory. But surely sharing information with each other has to have a limit?

There will be more information available in the next two years than there ever was...in the entire history of mankind! Hey, you like video games? Why don’t you order every single game ever made, download them on to any old computer, throw them in a wood box, then order the rest of the parts, and BOOM! A four-joystick standup arcade game containing everything from Joust to Space Harrier to that shitty one where Journey had to go get their instruments and play a show.

What the fuck is going on? What are we, the Romans? Are we going to have to go to some other room to puke up stimuli so we can come back and take more in? 87% of the Amish come back to their technology-free world after experiencing ours. We just freak them the fuck out.

We’re not saying a standup arcade game in your own bedroom isn’t fun, but c’mon. When does it end? Is there any limit to the amount of shit we can fit into our brains? You realize we are a pube away from looking like those guys on Star Trek with the veiny, big Elephant Man heads and those weird, long sparkly gowns and the British accents.
You realize that, right?

1 To get the cabinet go to: http://home.earthlink.net/~seanhat/arcade/cabdesign.htm

2 You have to drill and mount all buttons, joysticks, trackballs, spinners, lightguns, etc…. They can be purchased at www.happcontrols.com. Order about ten more buttons than you think you need.

3 Mount your keyboard encoder and any other interfaces you will need (trackball, lightgun, etc…). KE72 keyboard encoder is highly recommended www.hagstromelectronics.com.

4 Wire the switches to the keyboard encoder. If you are having trouble, check out www.arcadecontrols.com/arcade.htm

Bonus Online Material:
1. Atari 2600 (1977 - 1984)
I remember hitting the video game jackpot on march break of 1981. I really wanted a handheld Pac man game, but my parents figured it would be a waste of money so they got me an Atari instead. W00t! Back in those days having an Atari gave you instant credentials. Kids were literally giving me money to come hang out and play shitty conversions of Space invaders, Pac man and Asteroids at my place. It was better than having a swimming pool. If you’re going to set up any kind of collection of classic ‘80’s games, this one has to be at the top of your list. To this day people are still coding games for this system. Why? Its all about getting the most from the least amount of tech. Programmers use it as a zen-like testing field to see if they can produce something half decent with none of the high tech tools usually at their disposal. Grab yr own copy right here:

http://www.classicgaming.com/pcae/ PC
http://emulation.net/atari2600/ MAC

2. Magnavox Odyssey2 (1978 - 1981)
Atari wasn’t the only kid on the block for long, and the first console competition was on once the Odyssey2 was released. I was never a fan, as most of the games were cheap knock-offs of the popular Atari games, which were in turn cheap knock-offs of the original arcade favorites. The Odyssey looked kind of cool though, so it gets points today for sheer style. Sorry Mac users, but no emulator for this one yet. Try emulating Windows with VirtualPC, then run the PC emulator. Will that even work??!

http://www.classicgaming.com/o2home/images/index.shtml#downloads PC

3. The Vectrex Arcade System (1982 - 1984)
If you had a Vectrex you were either the coolest kid in school, or your parents were rich. I wanted one of these puppies so bad, but my parents said “what do you need that one for, you already have an Atari.” As if, Mom. The Vectrex’ big gimmic was that you didn’t need to hook it up to a TV, as it had its own monitor, and it sported nice crisp clean vector style graphics. You remember what the arcade version of Asteroids looked like? Those were vector graphics. The Vectrex is hugely popular with collectors right now, because they all wanted one when they were kids, and they still want to try one out, just to be able to say “I’ve played everything.” The link below will not only hook you up with the emulator, but also has a complete library of games.

http://www.classicgaming.com/vectrex/ PC

4. Intellivision (1982 -1984)
Better graphics do not always equal better games, and the Intellivision was the first system to prove this point. What Sega was to Nintendo back in the late ‘80’s, Intellivision was to Atari in those days before the big game crash of ‘84. The Intellivision kind of pissed me off cause they had these ads with Bill fucking Plimpton telling me that my Atari was piece of shit, and how much cooler the Intellivision was. Debates would ensue in the school yard, but the reality was that the Intellivision had the shittiest controller EVER in the history of video games, it was an ugly box on the outside, and only fags who liked tennis and baseball games played Intellivision.

http://www.intellivisionlives.com/download.shtml PC/MAC

5. Colecovision (1982 - 1984)
Home video games in the ‘80’s never really quite equaled their arcade counter parts. Just look at the Atari 2600 version of Pac man and you’ll see what I mean. Then along comes the colecvision packed in with an ALMOST arcade perfect version of Donkey Kong. Fuck. Remember the days when game companies actually packed a game in with their consoles? Who was the last to do that? Nintendo in ‘86 with Super Mario Brothers? Anyhoo, the Colecovision was cool, even though that version of Donkey Kong WASN’T 100% arcade perfect as it was missing the conveyor-belt/hot pies level, arguably the coolest level in the game. Their controller was second only to the Intellivision for its hand destroying abilities, so fuck you Colecovision.

http://www.classicgaming.com/vcoleco/ PC
http://emulation.net/coleco/ MAC

6. Atari 5200 (1982 - 9184)
The Atari 5200 was the most advanced home console on the market before the crash of ‘84. It was black and silver and looked like it was designed by Bang and Olufsen. It looked shit-hot. Under its hood it had a huge for the time 16 K of memory, and was basically the Atari 400/800 computer reworked into a console. The games still weren’t arcade perfect, but this was the best you could get until the first Nintendo came out in ‘86.

http://www.chrislam.co.uk/ PC/MAC
http://www.bannister.org/software/jum52.htm MAC

7. Commodore 64 (1982 - 1986)
While the C64 was technically a home computer system, and not a games console, most people who had one used it primarily for games. For many it was their first dalliance with a computer at home, and while most people had to shell out 50 bucks on new games for their consoles, C64 owners were happily cracking and pirating their own games. Is it just me or was it also called the Dragon 64? That’s what we called it when we were kids, but I could find no documentation to prove this. Anyone? Anyone?

http://www.phs-edv.de/c64s/ PC
http://www.bannister.org/software/frodo.htm MAC

8. NES (1985 - 1991)
The NES made its debut in 1986, and while the average consumer was bummed on the lackluster, over saturated market left behind from the first wave of consoles (The E.T. video game, anyone?), true video game players were hungry for the next wave. The NES single-handedly brought home video games back from the dead, and alongside the Atari 2600, was easily the most popular video game console of all time. I can’t even tell you how cool it was to see an almost arcade perfect (still some levels missing!) version of Super Mario Bros. That, and its revolutionary control pad design defined what would be the next generation of game systems. For some nostalgia, check out this flash cartoon: http://www.stileproject.com/flash/mariotwins.html

http://nestron.emuunlim.com/files.htm PC
http://emulation.net/nintendo/ MAC

9. Sega Master System (1986 - 1990)
The Sega master system was kind of like weaksauce NES, but it had some cool games like Shinobi, Golden Axe and Phantasy Star. It wasn’t until the Genesis came out that Sega really started kicking ass, but the Master system established the first real competition for Nintendo, and unwittingly made way for bigger competitors like Sony.

http://chasms.midgetrebellion.com/ PC
http://emulation.net/sega/ MAC

10. MAME - Arcade (1978 - 1993)
VICE covered MAME over a year ago, but no list of classic gaming emulators is complete without the granddady of them all. MAME stands for Multi Arcade Machine Emulator, and is an open source software project that is constantly being updated by the programming community. MAME emulates basically every arcade machine ever, up until around ‘93. Go grab a copy immediately.

http://www.classicgaming.com/mame32/ PC
http://emulation.net/mame/ MAC

One last note: These emulators are all quite legal. The illegal part is when you try and download the games, or as they’re known in these circles, ROMS. Some of the emulators listed here have games available for download. In the case of the Inellivision, for example, the games are available as they are almost considered public domain. MAME ROMS, and NES ROMS, however, are a still vigorously protected by the companies that created the games. The ROMS are out there, I’m just not going to say where. Do a search on Google, or better yet, try doing a search on your favorite file sharing program, like Kazaa, and you will no doubt hit the jackpot.

2003-02-19T13:14:00.000+02:00

2003-02-18T13:02:00.000+02:00

Look at these meatheads. They are homophobic homosexuals who hate women and talk about fucking women all day. I’d love to just take a carpet knife to one of those Achille’s tendons and hear the "SNAP!!!" That would be really satisfying. STABBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!

Dude, starting your first beer at 2PM then doing tons of blow and buying everyone shots all night and then passing out with a piece of pizza in your mouth? What did you think was going to happen.

2003-02-17T12:17:00.000+02:00

Do These! PLEASE!

Hey, what the fuck? Why do people spend $350 so their entire bodies can stay at the Marmara when all you really need is for your head to be in a nice room? For less than two bucks a night you can stay in this beautiful penthouse suite complete with tiny antique chairs and a 1” TV with a picture of the news on it.

If you want your relationship to last try to keep things as fresh as the first day you met. Ladies, that means keeping your bush waxed regularly and not lounging around the house in sweatpants all day. Gentlemen, that means not becoming a lazy and fat piece of shit that lets out gigantic farts and pisses with the door open.

You’re not dickhead Dad. You’re “fun Dad.” You listen to The Specials and you open your mouth when you’re chewing (eeeew Da-aad!). You even said shit once. You so crazy.
Fuck you.

Maybe ecstasy is evil. It drains your spinal fluid, can bring on epilepsy and, apparently, it can give you really serious fucking brain damage. Snow pants.

Nice fucking purple track pants you fat bitch. What are you, the fucking Michelin Man? Nice gay hat, too, you fucking little loser bitch.

2003-02-07T13:42:00.000+02:00

Now Playing In Turkey

As alarming as it is disarming. No American film will be the subject of more debate and attention this year!
it's an extraordinary, rabble -rousing movie/documentary that is Brilliant and Daring and one minute makes
you laugh out loud, and then shocks you the next with a frankness that cuts to the core. American Politics,
Media factor,American History,South Park,M. Manson, Columbine high,Enron,Iraq,G.W. Bush, America's Massive
fear culture....you have to see bowling for columbine in order to understand American's aim to dominate the
world and American's desire for blowing up their heads...One of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen...

2003-02-06T11:40:00.000+02:00

I Didn't Have Plastic Surgery! (With This Face?)

Ok. I Think I must Admit that I Liked him once upon a time. ( neither loved him nor adored him. I just liked some of His songs and I never ever tried to look like him like jack-o-freaks either.) it's so sad to see the creator of The Amazing Thriller Album...Bu who gives a flying fuck! hah! You deserved it! Now you
can suck my Dick and Kiss My Ass and please do not tell me that being famous is so nice. Eat This! ( And I know that you tried to Fuck the little bastard who tried to act in Home Alone I&II)

Hey Webster! Would You like to play with my Pokemon? it's getting Bigger if you play enough! Fantastic Right!?

Yes Kids You Too Can Be White Someday! and now tell me who wants to show his pokemon to me?

What Have I Done To Deserve This? ( your musical career after Dangerous album perhaps?)

And This is THRILLER! THRILLER NIGHT! and noones gonna save to from the beast about the strike! iiii-hii!

Stop Calling Him OK?! My Son is not gonna sleep with you!

Ricco Zychowicz

A documentary revealing the unique and bizarre world of Michael Jackson has received a mixed reaction from a massive 14 million TV viewers in the UK.

'Living With Michael Jackson', screened last night on ITV1, saw journalist Martin Bashir given unprecedented access to the star and provided the huge audience with a rare and insightful glimpse into the singer's life.

But the controversial issues tackled by the show - namely Jackson's ever-changing appearance, his questionable relationship with young boys and the welfare of his own children - left viewers divided.

Tabloid papers have seized upon Jackson's admission that he still occasionally shares his bedroom with young boys - despite the infamous 1994 allegations of sexual abuse - and many have questioned the appropriateness of his unusual friendships.

However, other viewers have taken a more sympathetic view of the pop superstar, and have expressed pity for a 44-year-old man who has suffered terrible childhood abuse, become obsessed with a lost youth and created his own extensive fantasy world as means of coping.

"It's not sexual," said Jackson of his controversial bedroom sharing. "We're going to sleep. I tuck them in and I put a little music on and when it's story time I read a book.

"We go to sleep with the fire on and I give them hot milk and cookies. It's very charming and very sweet. It's what the whole world should do."

Elsewhere, viewers were treated to an exclusive glimpse of Jackson's own children, Prince Michael, Paris and Prince Michael II - nicknamed 'Blanket' by the star.

In a world exclusive, Jackson revealed that his third child was conceived by a surrogate mother that he had never met.

"It didn't matter to me as long as she was healthy," he explained. "I didn't care what race she was as long as she was healthy and her vision was good. And her intellect - I wanted to know how intelligent she is."

Jackson also revealed that Debbie Rowe, the mother of his two eldest children, had no contact with Prince Michael or Paris, and that she had given him the children "as a present".

The reclusive star, who spoke candidly about the abuse he suffered as a child, often appeared relaxed in Bashir's presence, but was notably uncomfortable when questioned about his changing appearance.

Jackson denied having had any cosmetic surgery to his face other than two operations on his nose, which he claimed, "helped me breathe better so I can hit higher notes".

"I am telling you the honest truth," he said. "I didn't do anything to my face."

dotmusic readers have contacted us in their hundreds to offer their comments on the show, with mixed feelings amongst even the most loyal of Jackson's fans.

2003-02-03T13:26:00.000+02:00

Pop Idol Killer
The Diesel U-Music talent search for 2003 kicks off in February billing itself as "a response to the major label A&R policies that endorse short lived pop careers whilst ignoring creativity and long term artist development."

And, with the talent show pop star format finally on the wane, their timing couldn't be better.

So, if you're in a band, a DJ or a producer of any kind of contemporary music this is your chance to get someone to sit up and pay attention.

Diesel U-Music will be accepting demo tapes until the end of April 2003 in the following categories, each hosted by independent labels:

Dance - Moving Sadow Records
Electronic - Wall Of Sound and Tummy Touch Records
Urban - Badmagic Records
Rock - Infectious Records

All entries must be original material no more than six minutes in length per track, with a maximum of three tracks (scratch DJ entries can be longer) and must be delivered on either Mini-Disc, DAT or CD.

They must be accompanied by a photograph of the entrant and a 100-word biography.

Mail demos to:

55 Argyle Street
London
WC1 8EF

Winners will be announced at the Diesel U-Music Award ceremony in July and will gain support with UK and international event performances, studio time, management advice and media exposure.

2003-01-31T19:56:00.000+02:00

Disco D-Fuck me on the danceloor feat. Princess Superstar

Listen! Disco D-Fuck me on the danceloor feat. Princess Superstar

2003-01-31T14:33:00.000+02:00

New Massive Video

The first single to be taken from the new Massive Attack album, '100th Window', is the haunting Sinead O'Connor sung 'Special Cases' - and I've got the full video for you to see.To watch the video click on the links belove.

Directed by the H5 collective, the video comes in two versions - one male one female.If that sounds a little strange, deciding where the video begins and ends is even more of a conundrum.

It's a bit of a 21st Century chicken and egg situation and if you watch the video

watch it!

2003-01-30T11:23:00.000+02:00

New Rui Da Silva Video

Rui Da Silva will release his new single, ‘Feel the Love’ featuring guest vocalist Victoria Horn (she co-wrote the lyrics to Dirty Vegas’s massive US smash ‘Days Go By’ and Dannii Minogue’s chart hit with Riva ‘Who Do You Love Now?’), on his Kismet label, Feb 10. 2003 looks like being a big year for the Portuguese DJ/producer, who s also working on his debut artist album. As previously reported on BiB, he has also been asked by Yoko Ono to remix ‘Walking on Thin Ice’, the last track that she and John Lennon wrote before his murder. The original recording was stolen after the murder and so he is reconstructing the track from the remaining parts.

Watch Video 'For Free Love'

2003-01-29T19:50:00.000+02:00

Confusion:

Do I really have to talk about MYSELF in order to have a real BLOG? I think I'm depressed! Did someone put some illicit substance in my fuckin' Drink damn it?! Calm Down. Go Home...
Say Shalalalal!

"Shahahala"

smile

what were you thinking all day?

I'm going home to

and

2003-01-29T19:39:00.000+02:00

What's New?

in General > Fuck It All

2003-01-29T19:28:00.000+02:00

Moloko are back with a stash full of sophisticated pop tunes and two half empty pints of lager and we've got the full video for their next latest single, 'Familiar Feeling' for you to watch.

Click on the links to watch the video.

Moloko's new album isn't released until March, but dotmusic can reveal that it features a jilted samba driven sortie of infectious pop, a salvo of low-slung funk, over which Rosanne delivers a clipped jazz vocal, smooth spluttering electro, fat keyboard driven house and even the odd aside to broken beats.

Once again Moloko have taken the driving force of the dance floor and crafted it into pop songs that can cut their way into the mainstream.

And in keeping with their new mood, their video is based on the dance moves that evolved through New York and London's early dance scene to become the staple of the nu-jazz school of dance floor patterns.

Click on the links to watch the video. Go on, give it a spin.

2003-01-27T10:59:00.000+02:00

Underworld - Dinosaur Adventure 3D

The sound is unmistakable from the very first note.

This slice of pure, classic Underworld, taken from their latest album, 'A Hundred Days Off', is what they do so very well.

A familiar punchy techno groove is propelled by a driving force that gathers layer upon layer of sound as it hurls along.

Sharp percussion is tempered by waves of synth before the distorted nonsensical vocal that is Underworld's trademark joins in.

It's hard-hitting, direct and right to the point. There's no big surprises, and the public get exactly what they want.

It may be following the Underworld formula right to the letter, but when it sounds this good, does that really matter?

2003-01-24T17:41:00.000+02:00

DEATH TO WEST

The West is for wimps. We are fat, overfed, soft as lamb’s wool and getting on our own nerves. Have you ridden in an airplane recently? What is with all these girlie men wearing those faggy neck-pillows and putting their seat all the way back? Are they still in the womb?

We are begging to be bombed. We are hapless boobs. Pregnant women from every America-hating, impoverished country in the world flock to the West to give their kids citizenship and we greet them with open arms. Even within our own countries, we have become victims of anyone ballsy enough to say, “Give me that.” I had a mugger come up to me on the street the other night and demand money without a gun or a knife around for miles (punched him in the neck). Recently, in Wichita, Kansas, Reginald Carr put down his gun in order to more effectively rape a woman while two other victims (one male, one female, both unhurt and in perfect shape) lay there crying. And you think America is bad? The UK has become the weakling capital of the world as criminals eat it up like so many tea-flavored crumpets. In a pathetic attempt to be seen as everyone’s pal, they lay face-first and get shat on with the vehemence of a tornado; it’s an environment where anti-Western sentiment can blossom like one of the ghost orchids in Adaptation.

Today’s estimated 2.5 million Muslims easily outstrip church-attendance figures (currently around one million), which have been in freefall for years. Some studies predict that in just five to seven years the Muslim populations of some UK urban centers (like Leiceister where we saw Oxbow) will become the majority. And the majority of that will be sticking their middle finger up to the ways of the West.

On Sept. 11 of this year, for example, North London’s Finsbury Park Mosque was filled with hundreds of young, disaffected British Asian and Middle Eastern youth wearing streetwear underneath traditional Muslim hajibs and partying their asses off to the “Fuck the West” jamboree. The master of ceremonies was a guy named Sheikh Abu Hamza al-Masri, who looks like a stereotypical Bond villain. He is widely believed to be the UK recruiter for al Qaeda. For angry Muslim youth, he’s a hero—the British Bin Laden. Hamza’s under investigation by the FBI and closely watched by MI5—which has tried to limit his activities by confiscating his passport and freezing his bank accounts.

Media reports frequently assert that both shoe bomber Richard Reid and alleged “20th hijacker” Zacarias Moussaoui were worshippers at Hamza’s Finsbury Park mosque. Like most West- haters, this former karate instructor and nightclub bouncer got his education in the West. He used it to fight on behalf of the Afghan Muslims, and a bomb blew his eye and his hand far away from the rest of his body. Despite looking like something out of the last part of Robocop, he is still easily kicking the West’s ass and tossing the UK around like a sad, wet cat. And he isn’t scared. A brief search of the Internet reveals a mobile phone number that leads directly to the man himself. So we called him.

VICE: Are you trying to take over Britain and the States and bully the West into Islam?
Hamza: No [laughs]. It’s not like that. I would like Islamic law to be applied in Britain. We would like the people of this country to consider Islam for themselves. Once they read about it and see its potential power to change the individual into a superpower who will sacrifice himself for his principles, and benefit from that, then they can change their own country.

But if you were a superhero, like, say, Green Lantern, you wouldn’t need guns. You guys always train with guns. You were training people with AK-47s in the basement of your mosque and—No, it wasn’t AK-47s, but B-52s [laughs]. I invited them to come and take a look, but they were too afraid.

Pussies.
We still keep weapons of mass destruction down there. If they send some inspectors with a false UN resolution, we will certainly let them in. And I am willing to let them check my palaces and all that [laughs].

Why do you hate our guts so much?
I assume you are asking me my problems with America. The United States is trying to build up some form of enemy in order to justify this expenditure of money and policies, which lead to war. This is why they tried to build up the threat of al Qaeda six months before Sept. 11; they cancelled training operations in Jordan and closed embassies because of threats from al Qaeda. I myself think they have made a conspiracy to carry out Sept. 11 in order to justify a global war for hundreds of years without being questioned.

So George Bush bombed the Towers? Have you ever heard George Bush talk?
The Americans are acting like the drunk policeman of the whole world. They wear the uniform of a policeman and act like a drunk crook.

Why would America kill six thousand people so they could wipe out a few terrorists?
Al Qaeda was only three or four hundred people. They exist as individuals now, but the structure has been hit badly. It doesn’t justify the kind of force that America is using against it.

That’s what I’m saying.
In principle they have already lost the war against terrorism because they have decided to scare their own people all the time in order to justify their war expenditure.

We read in Time magazine that you were Osama Bin Laden’s houseboy.
What does that mean?

His dawg.
I’m sorry?

I think they used the word “puppet.”[laughs] Well, Time magazine are my sworn enemy. I’m not a puppet, because I am the only one who has claimed that these buildings were destroyed by an internal explosion. I am a civil engineer—

Educated in the West...
I say there is no way that some petrol would collapse these giant structures after just three hours. And it was a vertical collapse, not to the side. If the steel was melted and the core of the building had been detached from its surrounding, then the exterior would peel off like a banana and the core would remain standing. It has all the symptoms of destruction from inside. A sudden blaze and then the cloud of tons of debris driven upwards against gravity. What is capable of doing this? It’s only explosives. Then the building goes down in that manner. Then there is the disappearance of the steel structure itself, and above all, there are no black boxes in the airplanes. All this blunder.

So it wasn’t the Muslims. It must have been the Jews and the Americans, right?
As I say, those who want an open expenditure. Israel would benefit because they want a free hand with their protocols.

Are you down with Saddam Hussein?
For us, Saddam Hussein is an infidel. He killed his own people while the Americans rubbed their hands, stood by and told him he’d done a good job because he was hitting Iran at the same time. When they say he killed his own people, it’s like selling us yesterday’s mashed potato. Everybody knows they’re just bluffers and liars. If they want to get rid of him, why do they allow him to kill the Kurds and Shi’ites when they were rising against him in 1991?

Yesterday’s mashed potato?
I mean to say old news. It is old news.

But a mashed potato?
Yes.

So you hate him too?
If they had left us alone, we would have already taken care of him. They were the ones who helped him stay there all that time. Once they had established him, they had to keep him in power because he’s like kryptonite against Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. As long as they see his picture they keep producing milk. If they change him, it will be for someone who can be more beneficial to them. But at the moment, there is no one more beneficial than this idiot. He has to stay.

So the Americans and the Jews are responsible for Sept. 11, and Saddam, and other terrible things Muslims are blamed for, but Islam represents all that is good in the world. Even al Qaeda is a bastion of holiness.
Islam will dominate the world, because people will need Islam. There is a vacuum. People realize we are not just bodies, we are bodies and spirit. They see their families destroyed by incest, babies born as bastards, children raped in church. They have to work all the time to survive, while their taxes are spent on space and diesel projects. You’re talking here about the roots of a revolution. The godly punishment for America will be that it will eat itself from the inside—morally, through the disintegration of the family and the proliferation of anti-God principles and action. These will be the reasons for its self-destruction. America is a giant walking on matchsticks. What return have these people got from their country’s foreign policy? Nothing at all. Everyone wants to kill them. And yet there is nothing coming back to them. That means they are enslaved by their needs and desire. It will take time because American people are never interested in their country’s foreign policy. But they will now see that they are vulnerable.
They will realize that there is no such thing as absolute freedom. Freedom has to be supervised. They are realizing that we can’t control society with policemen and cameramen. No one wants to think of themselves as a criminal. Everyone wants to feel nice and safe and close to God. And this is what we find in Islam. Democracy is the biggest lie. When the whole world says, “Don’t do that,” America does it anyways. Is that democracy? No, it’s tyranny. It is not our fault that people have deserted their religion and turned their back on the Ten Commandments. It is their fault. It is them who are the extremists. They have moved away from the balance of religion. We are sticking to the Ten Commandments, which they have run away from and left behind. They are the extreme from good. We are the extreme from bad.

You’re starting to sound like George Bush.
In what sense?

All this talk of evil people and “their time has come.” You sound like the priest in The Exorcist. Who isn’t evil, in your mind? Who’s a saint?
Of course, Omar Abdel Rahman [spiritual leader of Egypt’s Islamic movement, al-Gamaa al-Islamiyya]. I met him a few times. I admire the man. He’s in prison in America now [for the 1993 bombing of the World Trade Center]. That’s a plot. If he was in Britain, he would have been acquitted by now.

If he was in Britain, he’d probably be prime minister by now. Tony Blair would be baking him cheesecake. He’d have peeled grapes for—There was no evidence. The first World Trade Center bombing was a plot against Muslims because they were trying to create the equivalent of a Zionist lobby in order to gain some influence in America. Obviously that was done to put them in their place. Islamically, this is wrong anyway. We are not here to infiltrate but to educate.

I think you’re forgetting someone. The real saint. Come on. The B to the IN?
The btothen?

B-I-N Laden.
I admired some of Osama Bin Laden’s previous actions, but not his latest performance by claiming credit [for September 11th] and making threats. Islam said, “Fight those who are immediately next to you.” I am of the school of thought that we should correct our countries back home before we can go global.

And go global you shall.
Yes.

Unless you are stopped.
We will not be stopped.

2003-01-23T18:44:00.000+02:00

Saturday :

Sunday :

Monday :

Tuesday :

2003-01-23T17:56:00.000+02:00

zulatunez of the week

2003-01-21T18:58:00.000+02:00

Released on Mon 3 Feb 2003
Label : Wild Bunch/ Virgin

Massive Attack
'100TH WINDOW'

Here's a few parallels.

In 1991 Massive Attack came to the attention of a wider audience against the backdrop of President George Bush going to war with Iraq.

After a period of boom, Britain was in recession. Music became tougher, hardcore and techno replaced the piano jingles of Italo-house...

And Massive's 'Blue Lines' sprang from nowhere, killing the tempo with gurgling dub bass lines and swaddling us in luxurious strings and a lullaby of intimate vocals.

Some twelve years later and, after a five year gap, Bristol's slowest working crew is about to return with their fourth album, George Bush is president and threatening war with Iraq and...

...need we labour the point?

Mushroom has of course departed the band and Marshall ducked out for this album, but Del Naja's '100th Window' is every bit the production masterpiece its predecessors are - in places harkening back to, if not quite matching, the collective's glorious debut.

'100th Window' is characteristically textured and Massive remain one of the few outfits that handle vocals as well as they orchestrate intricate drum patterns - as witnessed by the inter-lacing snares and high hats accompanying Sinead O'Connor as she whispers directly into your middle ear on 'What Your Soul Sings'.

Sinead takes on Shara Nelson's role on the LP, contributing vocals to 'Special Cases' and, most notably, on a toughened up re-working of 'Safe From Harm' called 'A Prayer For England'.

Meanwhile Horace Andy delivers his residential stylised vocal through the dub and bass-step of 'Name Taken' and 'Everywhen'.

There are more strings and washes on this album than on the first three LPs and what sounds like a cross between an electricity pylon and a tuning fork joins the dots between songs, bridges a mid-song break down and rides a subtly chaotic percussion pattern.

Dark passages rest on plectrumed guitar-lines and Asian influenced rhythms, while heavy, discordant bowed strings sear across tracks such as the ultra moody 'Butterfly Caught' and 'Antistar'.

As ever, it's the minutiae (a sudden dip in the bass-line key or an a-rhythmic electronic percussive pulse) that keeps your attention locked.

And although the pace remains downbeat, accompanying patterns refer to bangra and drum 'n' bass, as high hats skip and splutter between the hip hop tempo of snare and kick drum.

Every time Massive release an album they're asked to conjure up the near impossible - a record that's fresh, while sill sounding unmistakably like Massive Attack. This time it sounds like they've succeeded.

Ricco Zychowicz

2003-01-16T18:03:00.000+02:00

- Damn it! We Did Ass to Ass! Again! And I can't even promise that I ain't gonna do that again.let alone I'm thinking about sticking up some napalm (speed+cocaine) to my ass.